Sleeptalk
by meowcat
Summary: It's back! I didn't steal it, just got a new pen name. Last chapter's up. I don't think I'm going to put any of my other stories back up- if you want them please R+R and tell me. R+R anyway! Please read my other stories "The Earring" and "Hyper Piggy"
1. Default Chapter

Yippee!!!

Disclaimer: Read someone else's disclaimer, and pretend it's mine J

Fred and George Weasley sat down at one of the wooden tables in the common room to finish their homework. The room was deserted, except for Hermione Granger, who had fallen asleep trying to finish her homework. She was sprawled out on the couch, her arm draped over the armrest. Parchment, textbooks, quills, and inkwells were all over the table next to the couch.

"Why does Snape give us so much homework?" George grumbled. He thought he heard something from Hermione's couch, but when he turned around, she was motionless, and still asleep. "Did you hear something?" He asked Fred.

"Yeah," Fred frowned. 

"Oh well." They both looked back at their work.

"Are you doing the Potions homework?" Fred asked. He whirled around; sure he'd heard something. Hermione was still asleep.

"Yes. It was probably someone's cat or something," George answered, also turning.

"This is getting creepy," Fred said uneasily.

"What did you need for the Potion's homework?" George brought the subject back to the homework. There was yet another sound. "Think we should move back to the dormitory?" 

"Maybe Hermione's just trying to give us a scare. Whatever that sound is, it comes when we ask questions. Let's move over to the couch and see what happens. She's probably awake." Fred whispered.

They crept to beside the couch, and knelt. Hermione appeared to be very deeply asleep.

"What's the answer to number six?" George said quietly, looking at his piece of parchment to see which answers he already had.

Hermione's lips moved so slightly that Fred and George could barely tell the difference. "Gillyweed." She said quietly.

George grabbed a book and flipped through it. "I don't believe it! She's right! And she's never seen the homework!" 

"Let's see if it works all the time." Fred whispered. "What's the incantation to summon something?" he said louder.

"Accio." 

"The sixteenth president of the United States?"

"Abraham Lincoln."

"Who does Ginny Weasley like?"

"Harry Potter."

"Who does Harry Potter like?"

"Cho Chang, Ravenclaw."

Fred and George stared at each other.

"Who does George Weasley like?" Fred asked.

"Katie Bell."

"But I didn't tell anyone!" George said, his eyes widening.

"What's tomorrow's homework in Potions?"

"An essay on Polyjuice Potion and it's purpose."

"Accio Potion Lesson Plan." George said.

A scroll came zooming in and Fred grabbed it.

"I… don't… believe… this…" He gasped.

"What the Weasley family calls the cherry tree in their orchard."

"Big Red."

"_No one, _absolutely _no one_ knows that!" George declared. "None of us would ever tell!"

"This is so weird!" 

Devious grins began to slowly spread over the twins' faces. "I believe this presents a wonderful opportunity, brother dear,"

"Definitely."

So, what did you think? If I get 5 reviews, I'll continue. Please try to keep your flames mild. All giant flames will be doused with the fire extinguisher that I buy with the money Fred and George make off Hermione. Lol J

Please fill out the little box below!


	2. Chapter 2

The next night

The next night, Fred muttered a sleeping spell under his breath. Hermione began to yawn, then finally fell asleep. Fred signaled to George, who stood up.

"A new bargain! Ten Knuts to get any question in the world answered- correctly!" He yelled. Heads snapped up.

"How?" Parvati Patil asked curiously, setting her nail polish down.

"Hermione Granger." Fred stood up as well.

"What?" 

"When asleep, Hermione Granger will answer any question in the world correctly." George said.

The twins' little brother Ron half raised his hand. "Question." He said. "How is that _any_ difference from when she's awake?"

Everyone laughed, and Fred and George looked at Ron in annoyance.

"Because," George told him, "She can answer any question. Even questions only one person knows the answer to. We've tested her. Last night. We asked her what the next day's homework was for Potions, summoned Snape's lesson plan, and _she was right."_

"So that was you." Ron said. "Harry was blamed for that, that's why he's not here. He got detention from Snape."

The twins looked at each other sheepishly. "I guess we forgot to send it back," George said.

"Anyway, prove that she can answer any question." Angelina Johnson, one of the Gryffindor Quidditch team Chasers, spoke up.

"We're glad you asked." Fred grinned. "A volunteer?"

Parvati stood up. "I'll volunteer." She said.

"Excellent. Does anyone besides you know the answer to your question?" Parvati shook her head. "Good, now ask."

"Which of Lavender's nail polishes did I use up last week?" Parvati said loudly.

"Purely Pretty Purple." Hermione said. Her voice was louder than it had been the previous night.

"How dare you! You knew it was my favourite!" Lavender shrieked.

"I've got another one coming by owl post! It should be here any day!"

"Oh, very well." Lavender leaned back and crossed her arms, sulking.

"Apparently the louder you ask your question, the louder Hermione will reply." Fred observed. "If you don't want anyone to hear the answer, then ask quietly. Do I have anyone who wants to ask questions?"

"We want more proof." Dennis Creevey, a second year, piped up.

"Another person to ask? Anyone?"

Lavender stood up angrily. "Which of Parvati's lip glosses did I accidentally lose?" she shouted.

"Pinkalicious."

"What!?" Parvati cried. "Pinkalicious was a _special edition _lip gloss! I only lent it to you because you _promised _you wouldn't let anything happen to it! Now it's gone forever! How am I supposed to get it back? Or get another one? _They don't make it anymore!"_ she ranted.

"Accio." The reply came.

"Oh. Why didn't I think of that?" Lavender said shamefacedly.

"Because you're an airheaded idiot." Parvati said. "_I'm _summoning it- I won't risk anything else happening to it. Accio Pinkalicious special edition lip gloss from Witch Makeup Incorporated, 660 Warlock Lane, Surrey, witchmakeupinc.com, witchmakeupinc@-" she recited, cut off in the middle of the email.

"Oh, for goodness sake!" Alicia Spinnet said impatiently. "Accio lip gloss."

A small plastic pink can zoomed to Alicia, who caught it and handed it to Parvati.

"I was just being specific!" Parvati pouted, but when she caught sight of the lip gloss, she smiled. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! You're back!" She grasped the lip gloss and hugged it.

"Convinced?" Fred said with a smile. "Hermione has answered three questions correctly. Ten Knuts, a real bargain. Ask any question existing- even one you don't know the answer to. Any takers?"

"I'll take a question," Neville Longbottom offered.

"And me!"

"Me too!"

"Two questions!"

"_Four _questions!"

"I want a question!"

"Okay, form a two single file lines. Girls line on the stairs up to the girls' dormitory, boys line on the stairs to their dormitory. Go get your money, and make the lines. Any cutting and you'll have to pay quadruple per question, and go to the back of the line." George directed. There was a stampede to reach the dormitories. 

"We are in business!" The twins chorused and high-fived each other.

Before long, there were two lines filled with buzzing people. Fred and George alternated from the boys' line to the girls' line. Fred peeked up the stairs and saw that there were people up as far as the last dormitory, and the line was going into it.

After several people had gone, Ron Weasley got his turn to ask questions. He gave Fred and George twenty Knuts and went over to the couch.

"Are you getting any money from this?" He asked.

"No."

"Do you actually know that you can do this?"

"No."

"Did Fred and Geor-"

"That's three questions. Pay up or leave." George held out his hand. Ron sighed and handed over ten more Knuts. 

"Did Fred and George tell you anything whatsoever about this?" he asked.

"No."

Ron stood up and headed up to his dormitory, squeezing past the various people in the line. He sat on his bed and watched the line dwindle. He saw Seamus Finnigan go past in the line at least ten times. Gradually, Ron saw less people go past multiple times, and more people heading up to their dormitories. Neville, Dean, and finally Seamus came back to the room and went to sleep. When finally Ron saw Fred and George come up to go to bed, he arose and went out.

"Where's Hermione?" he asked.

Fred shrugged. "Still down there." He said.

"You left her there?" Ron asked incredulously.

"Well, yeah. What's the problem?" George asked.

" The _problem_ is that you're using one of my best friends, and now you're just leaving her down in the cold common room while you go up to your nice warm beds." Ron crossed his arms.

"What, you want us to _carry _her up to her dormitory and put her in her bed?"

"No. I want you to take the spell off her and let her wake up. Then she can go up to her dormitory herself."

"How'd you know we put a spell on her?" Fred asked.

"Intuition. If you don't take the spell off her, she's going to miss classes and figure out that something's wrong. And you two better be on the next continent by the time she finds out, or she's going to kill you both."

"You aren't going to tell her, are you?" George asked, looking panicky.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't."

"We know who you like."

"Done."

Fred said an incantation and pointed his wand down the stairs. "Happy now?"

"Enough for the time being."

"Good." The twins turned and went up to their rooms. Ron stared after them for a minute, then walked down the stairs. He peeked around the corner and saw a shadowy shape going towards the entrance to the girls' dormitories. Satisfied, he turned and stole upstairs and into bed. 


	3. Chapter 3

            "'Morning." Hermione sat down at the Gryffindor table. "I'm starving!"

            Harry merely greeted her, but Ron and most of the other people at the table were staring at her. Hermione frowned. "What's the matter?"

            "Oh, uh, er, nothing!" Ron said quickly.

            "Ron." Hermione said.

            "Nothing!" Ron protested. He turned attentively back to his bacon before he could be bribed to tell her anything. After all, his crush was at stake.

            "Harry?"

            "I don't know."

            "Okay," Hermione said. She didn't seem convinced. 

            Ron slipped away as soon as possible. He found Fred and George outside the Great Hall. "She suspects something." He said. 

            "Did you tell her anything?"

            "No."

            "We'll spread the word that no one's to tell her." George said.

            "That's not what I meant!" Ron cried. "I'm not trying to help you make money off of my best friend! I just don't want people making her upset! I won't tell her, but you better! She'll be twice as mad if she finds it out from someone else. Stop it before something happens, like this news that she'll answer any question gets around the whole school!"

            "That's a great idea!"

            "Stopping?"

            "No, spreading the news through the whole school. We can make four times as much money! Thanks Ron!" Fred and George ran off.

            Ron looked absolutely furious with himself.

***

            "Ron, what _has_ been going on?" Harry asked his best friend in their dormitory that evening.

            "What do you mean?" Ron asked innocently.

            "You know, with Hermione." Harry pressed.

            "What about Hermione?" Ron feigned curiosity.

            "Can the stupidity. You know what I'm talking about." Harry said crossly.

            "Okay," Ron sighed. "But you can't tell a soul. Here's what's been going on." He leant over and began whispering.

"What! How could you not tell her?" Harry exclaimed after Ron had finished.

"I'm doing my best!" Ron said defensively. "Fred and George won't stop, at least not yet, but I've been trying!"

"I know, but Hermione's going to be furious that we've kept it from her," Harry reminded him.

"But you know what I've got at stake!" 

"So which is more important to you, friendship, or the name of your crush?"

Ron sat dumbly. He sighed and leaned back. "Okay, I see your side, but we can't tell her yet. Not yet."

            Only a few minutes later, Fred and George had cast the sleeping charm and the line was forming. Fred ran over and opened the Fat Lady's portrait. He hopped out and held it open. A line of people streamed in and got in line behind the Gryffindors.

            "You know, Minerva really wouldn't approve of this, and I'm sure that the Headmaster wouldn't either," the Fat Lady babbled.

            "They don't have to know," Fred said cheerfully. He closed the portrait and turned around. "First person from the boys' line, please."

            Harry and Ron stayed in the common room to keep an eye on Fred and George. Every fifteen minutes, Fred opened the Fat Lady's picture to let more people in. It was nearly three 'o clock when the line finally ended and Fred and George smiled as they counted their money.

            "G'night, Ron, Harry," they called as they started up the stairs.

            "Wait!" Ron stood up. "What about Hermione?"

            "What about her?" 

            "Wake her up."

            "You."

            "We don't know the incantation, idiot."

            "So, we can tell you it." George said, but then Fred poked him.

            "No!" He hissed. "If they know the incantation, they could wake her up right in the middle of it! Do you want to be a dead man?"

            "Oh, fine." George muttered and said the incantation quietly. Harry and Ron strained to hear it but were unable to. All four ran up the stairs. Fred and George extinguished the lights in the common room (Professor McGonagall's rule- last one out turns the lights off). The twins walked silently up to their dormitory, but Harry and Ron stayed behind to make sure the twins had said the correct incantation. Apparently they had, because a moment later she rose and stretched. She put her books, quills and parchment in her bag and went upstairs.

***

            "I don't believe you!" Seamus Finnigan yelled at Dean Thomas.

            "You said that about me?" Angelina Johnson cried to the Quidditch Captain, Oliver Wood.

            "I'm not speaking to you!" Katie Bell screamed at her best friend.

            The entire Great Hall was in chaos.

            "People are so mean to each other," Hermione commented. There was the slightest hint of a food fight. People were yelling and screaming and hitting each other. The teachers were having a conference, so the students were all alone in the Great Hall.

            "I'll be right back." Ron said. He stood up and went over to Seamus. "What's going on?"

            "Everyone's fighting because of what Hermione told them." Seamus scowled.

            Ron asked several people the same thing and all replied the same as Seamus had. Ron made his way over to Fred and George, narrowly dodging bowl of tapioca pudding flying towards the Ravenclaw table.

            "This is getting out of hand," he said.

            "What do you mean? We're earning plenty of money, we've made sure you and Ginny won't tell, no one else is going to tell." Fred said comfortably.

            "But everyone's mad at each other!" Ron protested.

            "So? That's their problem." George leaned back in his chair.

            "Just stop it!" Ron said heatedly. "Just stop it." He turned on his heel and strode back to his seat. "They wouldn't listen." He muttered to Harry.

            "Then we'll tell her?" 

            "If they don't stop soon, we'll tell her."

            "Okay. I still think it's a mistake to wait so long."

            "Don't worry. If we wait, that'll give me enough time for me to send an owl to Mum. She can stop this. Apparently Ginny wants them to stop too, but they've got dirt on her." 

            "Okay, then." Harry sighed.

***

            "We're not going to stop, Ron." Fred said calmly as he gathered up that evening's earnings.

            "Fred! George!" Ginny pleaded. Ron had brought her along in hopes that they could do together what they couldn't do separately.

            "Ron, we know she's your friend, but she's also an opportunity for a lot of money. We have our futures to consider, you know." George said coolly.

            "I didn't think you could stoop this low. Even Percy wouldn't stoop so low for his job." Ron said scathingly. He and Ginny angrily left Fred and George in their dormitories, counting their savings. "Oh, and by the way," Ron said. He pointed downstairs. 

            "Oh, fine." Fred waved his wand.

            "Good."

***

            The next morning, Ron, Harry, and Hermione didn't even dare go into the Great Hall.

            "I'd rather starve than risk that!" Hermione said, her eyes wide. They peered around the door.

            "You'd also rather starve than eat food prepared by house elves."

            "Ron, it's only house elves in situations like Dobby used to have that I object to. I've done some reading, and I've told you that S.P.E.W. is officially over." Hermione told him. "Watch out!"

            All three pulled their heads back as a bowl of soup Neville Longbottom had thrown arced through the air and landed on Colin Creevey's head. Hermione absentmindedly used a cleaning spell.

            "Wow! Thanks!" Colin said admiringly. "You're doubly amazing! With-"

            "Colin, why don't I help you with that Potions essay you were having trouble on," George cut in.

            "Wow! You mean you changed your mind?"

            "Sure!" George smiled convincingly.

            "What did he mean, doubly?" Hermione frowned.

            "We should tell her." Harry said.

            "Okay," Ron sighed. "Hermione, did you know you talk in your sleep?"

            "No," Hermione said cautiously.

***

            "What!?" Hermione jumped up from the bench she had been sitting on. "Fred and George just better watch out!"

            "They're going to put you to sleep as soon as you get back," Harry warned, checking his watch.

            "Not if I remove their arms before they use their wands." Hermione smiled mischievously.

            "I don't doubt she'll do that." Ron muttered as they followed her out of the room.

            "Fred and George Weasley!" Hermione cried as she strode into the room. "How _DARE_ you!"

            "Ron, you told." George reprimanded. People were already lined up on the stairs. All attention was on Fred, George, Hermione, Harry, and Ron.

            "You mean she didn't _know?_" Parvati asked, looking shocked.

            "No. But everyone's going to know Ron's crush soon." Fred growled loudly. "Ron has a crush on-"

            With a loud pop, a furious Mrs. Weasley stepped in the center of the common room. "Fred and George Weasley! What _exactly_ did you think you were doing, taking advantage of Hermione?"

            "Mum!" Fred said charmingly. He had barely gotten the word out when he gasped. Hermione had punched him with all her might in the stomach. He fell back on the floor, trying to catch his breath. Hermione caught George in the eye then kneed him. Soon both Weasley twins were on the floor. Hermione kicked both of them and stared at them angrily.

            "Sorry," Fred had turned the charm back on.

            "Shut up. Don't say sorry unless you mean it." Hermione told them. The twins looked at Ron and Ginny helplessly.

            "I told you so." Ron said. "You should have known better."

            Ginny smiled sweetly at them.

            "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Weasley," Hermione brushed a strand of hair away from her face.

            "That's all right, Hermione, dear." Mrs. Weasley smiled at her. "They deserved it."

            "No, they didn't deserve it. I acted badly. Do accept my apologies." Hermione said. "I'll only ask that they give the money back to everyone."

            "Very well, Hermione. I'll let you have the judgment in this one." Mrs. Weasley said. "Come on, boys. We're going to Professor Dumbledore's office to make the expelling formal."

            Everyone turned very white. "Oh, please, Mrs. Weasley, I don't want them to get expelled! They really didn't mean any harm, they just didn't think it through!" Hermione pleaded. Mrs. Weasley paused.

            "I'll agree to let them stay if you wish, but I really think that's for the headmaster to decide." 

***

            Everyone waited tensely in the Gryffindor common room to hear what the headmaster had decided. 

            "I can't believe I've gotten everyone into this mess!" Hermione leaned her head on the armrest of her chair.

            "I never should have written Mum!" Ron fretted.

            Late into the night, Professor McGonagall entered. "The Weasley twins have gone home for the night. They will be back tomorrow morning. Professor Dumbledore or I will announce what we have decided. Until then, I suggest that you all get some rest. Good night." 

            All of the Gryffindors walked slowly up the stairs to bed. There was none of the chatting as they got ready for bed. No one slept well that night, including the line of people who waited a long time for Fred to come and open the door.

***

            "I have an announcement." At the teacher's table, Dumbledore stood up. "This announcement regards the Weasley twins and Miss Hermione Granger."

            Many drawn, white faces looked up to the headmaster. Only Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe's faces were normally colored. Harry and Ron suspected that Draco Malfoy, their worst enemy, would have been the same as Crabbe and Goyle's if he hadn't been so pale. All three smirked at Harry and Ron, who disregarded them, as they had seen all three in the line near the boys' dormitory.

            "Both of the Weasley twins, after much discussion, will be pardoned." All of the students gave a great sigh. "However, each twin will serve ten detentions. Some of the teachers thought that it was necessary to punish Miss Granger." Here all of the teachers turned surreptitiously (they thought) to glare at Snape, as the Gryffindors gasped in indignation. "However, most teachers thought this preposition was a quote, pile of blast ended skrewt dung, unquote, so the matter has been dropped. Thank you, and please enjoy your breakfast."

Epilogue:

            Hermione stopped answering questions in her sleep, because, as it turned out, she could only do that while under a spelled sleep. Draco Malfoy had hexed her dinner the day that Fred and George had discovered her talent, in hopes that she would miss classes and he would have a chance at becoming the smartest kid in the school, which everyone else knew was as stupid a preposition as his brain was small, but he was found out and had to clean out the bedpans in the infirmary for six months without magic. So, everyone at Hogwarts lived happily ever after, except for Draco, and nobody really cared about that.

So, did you like? I'm sorry about the comment regarding Draco Malfoy in the Epilogue, for all you Draco lovers, but please don't flame me about it! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and I personally basically hate his guts. Please review in the little box below, and if you liked this one, try some of my other ones. Thanx!


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